For J.Z.

Posted on December 15, 2016. Filed under: And This is Why |

I’m truly sorry that I’ve been the cause of your needing to expend so much energy and going outside of your comfort zone as you are usually very quiet, despite constantly posting on Jenny’s blog, and I also appreciate your replaying the whole of my unfortunate story there on her blog amidst the Christmas cheer rather than putting your reply to me here on my blog where it would have been seen by, basically, me alone.

I’m sure it wasn’t your intention at all to let people know how much of a monster I am, but you did a great job.

Good for you.

You have no idea what my life is like, has been like, or what the future looks like for me.  I am not a scammer.  You saw the list – all but a few things were very, very inexpensive (right around $10.)  Do you honestly think I’m going to resell those jeans? Or the snow boots?  Well, I’ll be sure to pay my fucking rent with the money I raked in on this scam!  WOOT!

You go with your bad self.

Let me know, via MY BLOG (how about we keep it off of Jenny’s blog? Just a random thought…), what you bought for AJ because I don’t want to cause you more suffering by having to live with knowing that you were violently ripped off by some stranger on the internet who lives solely to spend a 3 days in December exploiting hundreds of people out of their hard earned money.

Fuck it.  You know what?  I’m done trying to explain to you and everyone else how fucked things are in my life, and in my head – me going on trying to justify my actions just so I could experience something happy.  This is why I don’t ask for help.  Trust me, I fucking won’t ever again.

Oh, but PS – I deleted a lot of what I had in a prior post about AJ’s experiences, but I thought I’d add a picture here.  Just for YOU!!!!  Merry Christmas.



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3 Responses to “For J.Z.”

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Merry Mary here….don’t let the jerks get you down. I hope you and AJ (one of my son’s many nicknames!) have a wonderful holiday.

I appreciate your kind words so much. Thank you Merry Mary, for everything. ❤ ❤ ❤ (Those were the best hearts I could make here.) 🙂 You just made my day.

Wondering how you’re doing. I felt terrible about the demeaning posts and paranoid if I was one of the “greedy grandmas.”
I had an expensive kindle tablet on my grandaughter’s wish list and I already felt bad for asking.

I was actually pretty thrilled to see the outpouring of gifts and notes from the santas, usually I’m alone, numb and depressed on Christmas.
This year I had my grandaughter, a reason to get out of bed. No money for a tree or gifts was pretty shitty but seeing this on Jenny’s blogs did seem like a miracle.

Seeing those cruel comments was like being stabbed, thrown to the floor and being stomped on.

I’m not over it, I don’t think I’ll ever be over. I will never ask for help again, that’s for sure.

All the joy was immediately sucked out of Christmas. I faked it on the day itself and fell even harder in depression. I haven’t left the house in two weeks and I’m so sorry for that my little granddaughter left a crappy situation only for a different crappy situation.

I’m sorry that I’ve made this all about me but my heart went out to you and I hope you’re doing okay.

Someone who knows what it’s like

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