I Suppose This Has to Do With Anxiety?

Posted on September 26, 2016. Filed under: Uncategorized |

So one of the medications I take for my anxiety, Toprol XL, caused me to become diabetic.  So now I have type 2 diabetes, and I can tell you that it’s not fun.  I have to eat a low carbohydrate, high fat, moderate protein diet; so basically I eat bacon and eggs and when I can afford them, macadamia nuts.  That’s about it.

I check my blood sugar ten or more times a day because I have OCD tendencies.  In two years since my diagnosis my way of eating has given me completely controlled numbers.  If a doctor were to have checked they wouldn’t have known I had diabetes at all.  Still couldn’t eat anything I wanted to eat or it would cause my blood glucose to go up, but at least I wasn’t damaging my organs.  To back that up, every three months I have extensive blood tests to ensure all is perfect.

The last 3 days, however, my blood glucose has been extremely elevated.  To give you an idea, it’s usually between 90 and 110 all day and all night, even after eating.  If a person wanted to know what a “perfect” number is, it would be 83.  I don’t know why, but now it’s between 120 and 180!!!  I am freaking – the – fuck – out!

Science (Google) says that it could be stress or illness.  My stress level is normal, seriously.  So am I ill?  Do I have cancer?  Oh my God what the fuck is wrong with me???

On Friday, 4 days ago, I bought a new blood glucose meter from Walmart and have been testing with that since I used up all of my expensive prescription strips – OCD and all – so MAYBE it’s just a weird meter?  I just don’t know, but I’m terrified.  Now, I’ve been terrified before and it didn’t cause my blood glucose to go up past 120, so what the fuck is wrong with me????

I keep thinking that it must mean that I’m about to have a heart attack and die.  I hate my heart phobia so much.

I hope I figure this out soon because I’m basically fasting at this point to keep my numbers down and I really want a cup of coffee 😦 Life sucks sometimes.  😦


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